Some things hide until we realize that they’re a part of us. I was also a victim of my mind and never discovered this dark side until recently. Whenever I wasn’t taken into consideration or mistreated, I couldn’t stop taking things personally. I used to give control of my mood to another person. For example, once a close friend of mine didn’t invite me to his birthday, and the next thing I know, I was sitting at home offended after taking the whole scenario personally.
It might have happened to you even when someone you know cancelled you at the last moment, or maybe a client did, you will start taking the things personally or perhaps professionally. Wouldn’t you? You might begin to question your worth and importance in other people’s lives, and your thoughts continue taking you down the rabbit hole.
These feelings seem to be normal until you realize all this is your mind overthinking, and you are perceiving stuff in a completely wrong way. I was in the same place, and in this post, I would talk about the investigations and questions that helped me escape the dark corners.
In the end, I can guarantee that you can stop taking things personally and become a happy YOU.
Why we take things personally?
A one-word answer to the following question would be our ‘ego’. Our ego wants us to believe we are important, and therefore if it is not satisfied, we feel sad, upset, or broken. We trade our ego with our happiness, and this is dangerous! This kind of false self-importance would make you fight the circumstances and people until your ego is unsatisfied. You would become someone who doesn’t have control over himself or his happiness. Moreover, open your eyes and ask yourself how much you can fight to get something they’re not entitled to give you? Maybe the answer is you shouldn’t even try.
You’re not the center of the universe, and the world doesn’t revolve around you. This notion is intuitive, but we forget this whenever we start taking things personally. We think we have something wrong within us or we are not good enough. But is the self-doubt true?
Step into the shoes of the other person, and you will perceive things differently. You will understand that people have hundreds of things going on their minds and are not even aware of you taking things personally. For example, while taking a seminar, you might find a few audiences checking on their phones and think your talk is not so great. But is that the case?
If you are pained by any external thing, it is not this thing that disturbs you, but your own judgment about it. And it is in your power to wipe out this judgment now.Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
Let me tell you: this might not be the case, and you might be jumping into conclusions very fast. Maybe a few members in your audience are checking on their phone because something very important came up or even this might be when they’re opening their device to take notes. Your assumptions stand completely wrong here. Looking from other persons’ eyes helps you understand their reasoning, and now you know your overthinking was the reason for all that feeling ‘unworthy’ moments.
If some things reappear, again and again, you must step back and think for a moment. It’s not always necessary that it won’t be about you. Sometimes criticism is the best feedback and a direction towards improvement.
Let me give you an example. I was not a person that was that great at presenting stuff. Some people were supportive, but most of them didn’t enjoy my presentation. Not getting appreciated for what you have put in several hours completely sucks. Then I took a step back and analyzed what was wrong in these slides by collecting feedback. It helped me improve step by step, and now I am confident enough to present a presentation to my audience.
“Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.”Frank A. Clark
By the way, if you wonder what was wrong in the slides, it was that out of excitement, I used to talk too fast.😅
TIP: Talking slow helps the audience to understand and retain their attention.
Being vulnerable sometimes is necessary. Vulnerability helps people take your needs into your account and provide you with direction, reasonings, and sometimes help.
You can take my example: if I never opened up to my audience regarding what things I must improve, I couldn’t become better. Going through this example of taking feedback, a feedback sheet is always circulating my events.
Moreover, sometimes it can be somebody is doing a thing which you don’t like. It’s better to speak up to these people and make them understand that it bothers you. A simple sentence can sprinkle consideration and your bonding. For example, if your friend forgot something important you told them to do. You can always try saying:
“Ana, I really value our friendship, and you forgetting something that is so important to me upsets me. ”
People aren’t aware of stuff until they are made aware. Like you’re not aware of someone who loves you until they confess. It’s similar, confess about what affects you, and people are kind enough to adjust and consider you.
There’s always a RED switch. Sometimes trying harder is not as good as stopping and thinking about everything more deeply. It might be someone you’re asking to adjust for you doesn’t want to adopt, or something you want to become is never meant for you. As we say, you can’t judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree. Similarly, you can’t keep on adjusting when some better opportunity is waiting for you.
Happy living! 🕺